The Truth About Being An Introvert

Hi. My name is Kylie... and I'm an introvert.

This is a topic that has been on my mind for months. I have only recently come to terms with what being an introvert even means. When people asked me if I was an introvert or extrovert I didn't know what to say. I always thought being an introvert meant you liked being a loner. It was always a big joke with me and my other introverted friends. "People want to hang out?" #introvertproblems. "Had an awesome weekend with myself watching Netflix" #introvertheaven.

In High School it was so exciting hanging out with new people, you're full of hormones, starting to date boys and slowly you're becoming an adult. In my first year of YSA I had a new found freedom staying up late, hanging out with boys, doing what I wanted when I wanted. All of a sudden I was burning out. The novelty was starting to wear off, and slowly I started spending more and more weekends alone. I kept thinking "what is wrong with me?" Why did all my friends want to hang out EVERY single night, but I was happy to simply stay home and watch Gilmore Girls with myself? It's not like I wasn't fun, or didn't like my friends. I just happen to enjoy spending a lot of downtime with myself. It got increasingly "worse". At one point I thought, "am I depressed?". When Nick went on his mission I was perfectly content day in and day out to go to work, exercise, make healthy meals and see some of my close friends on occasion. I enjoyed my solitude. I was perfectly happy. People were always encouraging me to stop "hiding out", to get out and "have some fun". Confused, again. Sometimes hanging out in big groups, spending my weekends out all night wasn't fun for me. I enjoy hanging out with friends, in fact, I have some amazing friends! They make me laugh till my sides hurt. They listen to my problems and ask me how I'm doing when life is rough. We talk about life and people and news and ideas. I need friends. But maybe not as much as everyone else. When I get too busy or have too many plans I start to feel anxious and stressed out. I would cancel last minute, or make up excuses. I felt bad about my introversion. Like one of my weaknesses was not wanting to socialize ALL THE TIME. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I'm sure there are some of you reading this who have felt the same way!

When I was in High School my dad had me do an Aptitude Test in California. We did one-on-one testing for 2 days. The lady told me at the end what my natural abilities were. She explained I would find happiness in a career if I was already naturally good at it. Work could be more fulfilling for me if my natural talents and strength were being utilized. I wouldn't have to work so hard to be a certain way for a job. I remember being tested for introversion or extroversion but I didn't care at the time (I mean what does that have to do with your career anyway?) I had my mind set on what I wanted to do already and ignored some of the results. I love my job. Most of you already know that, I talk about it constantly. I love the critical thinking, working with technology, problem solving nature of it. And yet there is a tender, loving and kindness to touch people's lives that I cannot go without either. It is the best of both worlds. I didn't realize how extroverted my job was until I was married. I spend all day talking to people, discussing their problems, making small talk, making jokes, making people laugh - lifting their spirits. We work in teams, consulting each other in every decision (which we need to for patient safety reasons). I need to be ON all day. And then being married and coming home and needing to be ON as well made me really exhausted. Nick would ask "why are you so grumpy when you come home from work? I thought you loved your job?" I didn't feel grumpy though. I was just tired. I didn't feel like talking about my day as soon as I got home, or talking at all. I just wanted a few minutes to turn off, to just sit peacefully and enjoy some silence. I needed to regenerate. But that felt silly, I shouldn't feel that way. Happy people don't need that, they are happy all the time. I must be sucky to live with...

I read on Facebook one day a silly cartoon called "How to interact with the introverted...." http://themetapicture.com/how-to-interact-with-the-introverted/ The hilarious part was I actually found it to be one of the most helpful things I have ever read. I learned SO much about myself from it. I learned that introverts gain energy from spending time alone, and actually expend energy being with people. And that extroverts gain energy from being around people. It's like a little lightbulb went off on in my head and my journey began. I diagnosed myself. I was an introvert. There was nothing wrong with me at all! I was just an introvert living in an extrovert society. I felt guilty about my personality, like society needed me to be a certain way and because I was different it felt wrong.

Let me be clear that there is no right or wrong here. It is not better to be an introvert or an extrovert. They each carry their own set of strengths. We need both introverts and extroverts in homes, businesses, religions, politics and societies. I think by being a little more understanding of one another there is so much to learn and so much success waiting to happen.

I read a book called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. She is an introvert, and many of the topics and concepts in her book fascinated me. It was as if she knew the desires and questions of my heart before I did. She explains so powerfully how I feel. She uses history, case studies, research, and peoples experiences to uncover how we have become an extroverted society. She shows us the valuable nature of introverts and that we have something to offer the world too, that our strengths and contributions have been forgotten somewhere down the road. She shares the stories of Craig Newmark (Craig's List), Steve Wozniak (Apple), Moses, Bill Gates, Newton, Rosa Parks, Einstein, Dr. Seuss, the list goes on. She does case studies at Harvard Business School (where 20% of the top three executives at the Fortune 500 companies were Harvard Business School grads between 2004-2006)... ok ok I won't tell you everything in her book, read it yourself. It will be one of them most inspiring books you will ever read. Extroverts should read it too, chances are you will have an introverted child, husband, coworker, student or friend. You will learn much about yourself too. We are all introverts and extroverts in certain ways. No one is really 100% one way.

One of my favorite quotes from Susan Cain's book, "Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform."

Music to my soul! Susan has helped me feel entitled to be myself, to learn what my strengths are, and how I can contribute and function in a society that is always pushing for group projects, teams, loud leaders and great personalities.

Confessions of an introvert

• I love going to bed. It's one of my favorite times of the day. There's nothing like slipping into your pajamas after a long day, turning the lights off and snuggling up in the silence that comes with nighttime. Nothing but you and your own thoughts before bed as your drift into dreamland. It's so peaceful and beautiful.

• I love silence. When I was a teenager I was constantly listening to music, every second of the day. But now, I love driving in silence. I can't remember the last time I listened to the radio, probably 4 or 5 years ago. I need time to think. I need time to be still. I don't enjoy white-noise when I'm working, cleaning, or doing menial thinks. My phone is always on silent, I don't need the constant buzz or ding of my phone. I hate answering phone calls. Lots of time I will let my phone go to the answering machine and I will call people back when I have mentally prepared for a conversation. Is that rude? I hope not. Because that's what I need. It's not ignoring people, it's not because I hate people. I just need to do things on my own terms sometimes.

• I love singing. I don't love singing with other people. It's not because I'm snotty or think I'm better than other people. I just don't like coordinating with peoples schedules, I don't like having to work in teams, I like to do things solo. I like worrying about me. I sing things that are important to me, that have a message I can share with people. I don't enjoy performing broadway or musicals or taking on a character. I like being myself, just sharing my truth. I like things simple. 

• I enjoy small groups. Big groups take up a lot of my energy. There is a perception out there that life is better if you have more friends, more weekend plans, if you're always busy doing "fun" things. You instagram and facebook every single "fun" moment you've ever had so people think "wow! their life is so great, they have so much fun". If I did that I would have a whole lot of instagram pictures of me going to bed early, watching tv, making a pan of brownies or cleaning my house... because those things are fun for me and make my life better. My mom is the same way. Let her stay home on a Friday night with a Dr. Pepper and a fuzzy blanket and you've got one happy Mamma Ju. It's the life of an introvert and it's awesome.